6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
