i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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