What a fucking waste of an outfit
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
