I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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