yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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