matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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