I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
