I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
the condom got lost in my hair
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
