Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
