i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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