I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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