I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
