I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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