Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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