her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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