I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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