Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
