Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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