I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
