I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
