He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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