plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
