dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
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