Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
