I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
