dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
BRING THE BAGELS
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
