I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You took a bar mat shot.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
