I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
