how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Boobs speak an international language.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
