I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
