Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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