My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
