I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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