dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
