im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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