p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
