yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
