im having a threesome with these popsicles
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
