So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
