Well apparently he's into motor boating.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
