Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
