3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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