Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
