Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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