My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
