Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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