somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My legs feel like baby dolphins
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
