It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
