brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
