I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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