Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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