OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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