You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
