why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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