i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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