she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
