got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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