i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
